also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
