she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
