I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
