do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Can you bring me the toilet please
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
