you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
