wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
FUCK WHALES
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