Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she pinky promised me she was 18
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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