Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
