dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
