How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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