i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
