I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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