your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
