Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
