apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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