You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Randomize
