I'm lost and stupid without you.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
