i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
