Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He passed out mid-signature
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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