remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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