She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
