Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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