i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
The beer is more important than you right now.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
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