He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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