as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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