can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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