Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize