I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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