Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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