actually, I'm a sock model
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
