I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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