oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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