There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
