I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize