Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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