i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
