I have demons in me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
