Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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