Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Can I color on your dick again?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
