my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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