After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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