just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
did i just pee glitter
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
