cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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