you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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