How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
