I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
