I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
