Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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