It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
