Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
