Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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