I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize