On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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