i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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