Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
