its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
