i permit you to call me
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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