3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
A bitchslap is in order.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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