Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
