9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize