When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Can't talk, ducks in the car
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
