Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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