I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
