I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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