dude i'm inner monologue high
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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