that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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