if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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