My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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