It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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