i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
