What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
