You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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