Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
