So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
