I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
