I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
