Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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