So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
