and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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