i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize