Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
