What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
