LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
two words...techno handjob
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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