when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
