dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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