$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize