My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
