i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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