i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize