i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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