Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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