i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
