I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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