Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
