Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize