You're completely useless in the revolution.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
