i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
