Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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