I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize