If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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